I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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