it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
