My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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