Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
