so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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