Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
