Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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