Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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