i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
