i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize