I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
