Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
