my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
