actually, I'm a sock model
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
