I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
