That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
