I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
