he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
