dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize