i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
