So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
