I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
