woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
