I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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