I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
