and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
