I just threw up on my dentist
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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