I wish I could teleport
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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