there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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