you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
