you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
