we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My feet surprised me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
