i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
