Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
