Duck Duck Cougar?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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