Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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