brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
