Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
