How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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