Will you blow on my dice?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
