Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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