Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
