If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
