As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
