Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
