I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
