Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
