Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
