hell yes lets make some ravioli
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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