You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
