I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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