If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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