In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
