he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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