You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize