we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
