His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
