college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
