so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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