You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
