The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
