How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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