I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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