Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
