i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
