About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize