Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
